


You And Me, Baby (Or Lex Luthor's Big Score)

by SC182



Category: Smallville
Genre: Crack, Divorce, F/M, Future Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Riftless, evil exes, modern fairy tale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-06
Updated: 2012-07-06
Packaged: 2017-11-09 06:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SC182/pseuds/SC182
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex is a modern day prince with dragon ex-wives and knows his progeny when he sees him. Cracky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You And Me, Baby (Or Lex Luthor's Big Score)

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Written for the undermistletoe annual challenge. I'd like to thank helioshyperion for the spectacular beta! Warning: This fic makes references to mpreg. Drunken tumblings between an alien and a mutant make it totally plausible. 
> 
> Prompt: Harlequin Week-The single mom/dad and the Tycoon

Once upon a time, there was a prince. Not just a regular prince. No, this prince was known in places far and wide for his vast kingdom and knowledge. He wasn’t the usual sort of prince, because he wasn’t tall, dark, and handsome. But rather tall, very fair, and bald. His kingdom was only partially inherited and the rest came from hard work and winning many battles from the tyranny of his father, who many considered to be an evil overlord.   
  
Prince Lex had grown a reputation for slaying dragons, earning more adoration from the people. Yet as of late, the dragons slain were usually found in his bed rather than attacking his city or his company.   
Thus, the tale of how Prince Lex found his great treasure begins with the slaying of his latest dragon.  
  


* * *

  
  
Max Worthington would always remind Lex of a fox with his slanted eyes and cunningly deceptive light irises. The man was wickedly intelligent, the best in the Mid-West at what he did, and clearly a little crazy by the way he spoke to Lex.   
  
The man pitched the bridge of his nose. “Seriously, it’s getting harder and harder to take these cases. How long did you even know this one before you married her?”   
  
Mercy and Lex shared a look. Her brow was cocked in that ever so subtle way that said she was not pleased. Not at all. And Mr. Worthington was pissing her off more by the second. Even though, the situation was entirely Lex’s fault.   
  
Lex shrugged slightly. “You know I always like a challenge.”  
  
Worthington’s face clearly scrunched up into a what-hell look. “Lex, she was the former chair of the Lex Luthor is an eco-terrorist fan club and she moderates about twenty blogs that call for your head. I’m surprised she waited until after you were married to try to kill you.”   
  
“She’s a little overzealous, but I like my partners passionate.”  
  
His lawyer dropped his head and tapped his foot loudly and obnoxiously. The sound of counting could clearly be heard amidst the ambient din of traffic around the Metropolis courthouse. “The woman tried to strangle you with the rope made of the root of a three hundred year old tree. That’s not overzealous. That’s premeditated murder.”   
  
All of his exes had been flawed, save for one. Beautiful tall brunettes with sparkling light eyes, yet they all had a nasty little of trait of desiring to kill him. “Well, I’m happy that Christa didn’t want to kill me for my money.”   
  
“That is a step in the right direction.” Mercy added with a slight grin. A congratulatory one.  
  
Shaking his head, Worthington began to descend the stairs. “This is getting ridiculous, sir. You hired me to protect you--” A glare from Mercy. “Legally,” he added. “I can’t do that if you’re deliberately trying to sleep with human versions of the praying mantis. And you--” The lawyer turned his tirade on Mercy. “Need to do your job better and make sure these women have no history of being batshit crazy. That’s a part of protecting him.”   
  
The finger he placed in her face was scant seconds from being broken in three different places and his side might have possibly been given the experience of testing the sharpness of her knife. Worthington backed down the steps slightly as the look on Mercy’s beautiful face soured.   
  
“Fine.” Lex acquiesced. “I’ll take your advice and try to be more selective. Now go before Mercy decides she’s offended by your critiquing of her skills.”   
  
Mercy glared. “Already offended, sir.” The lawyer paled.   
  
“I’ll see you again. Hopefully under better circumstances.” Worthington walked away muttering to himself about psychiatric help and a vacation. Sometimes, money truly wasn’t enough.   
  
They watched the man descend the stairs and disappear into the moving crowd along the sidewalk. Number six hadn’t turned out to be the charm.   
  
“Seven.” Mercy retorted.   
  
“What?” He cast a look her way as he caught the last sight of the most recent Mrs. Luthor being transferred to a Metropolis Department of Corrections vehicle. There was talk of starting a wing for his exes; all wives, girlfriends, and one-time lovers hellbent on killing him.   
  
Mercy boldly stepped into his line of sight. “You’ve been married seven times, only six have tried to kill you.” Lucky number seven had gotten away.  
  
“Uh,” he said without much thought.   
  
Just then a class of small children, obviously taking a school field trip, passed to their right moving up the stairs. His thoughts were on Lionel’s gleeful and hacking laugh at the news that Lex’s newest marriage had failed again. One would think the old man would be a little nicer considering he had a foot in the grave already. No, Lionel being nice was like asking for a small miracle such as the possibility that he wouldn’t call his son and say, “I told you so.”   
  
With all the other distractions, it was a wonder how he managed to pick up on the tour guide’s voice, specifically her deliverance of inaccurate information. “This courthouse, like many around the country, is of neo-classical architecture. That means the designs came from architecture found in Ancient Greece and Rome.”  
  
A scowl planted itself on Lex’s face. “Mercy, have that woman fired.”  
  
“For,” she asked, already prepared for a genuinely Lexian reason.  
  
Lex huffed calmly. “Deceiving young minds with misinformation. She’s--”  
  
“You’re wrong.” A young voice said. “Those columns are Egyptian influenced and they came before the Greeks.”  
  
Mercy and Lex scanned the cluster of children. Lex narrowed the voice down to one little bobbing dark head. The other children didn’t seem surprised by their classmate’s outburst, rather annoyed instead.   
  
The tourguide’s cheeks were flushed in embarrassment. The little boy continued his explanation, which was surprisingly detailed for a child of seven or eight, Lex assumed. The boy’s teacher finally stepped in and offered the boy a tight smile and thanked him for clarifying. The look she turned on the tour guide was extremely apologetic.   
  
Lex chuckled. “Let’s stick around for a few minutes.” This kid would provide a few more minutes of entertainment by Lex’s estimate.   
  
Thirty minutes later, Lex was starting to feel very bad for the woman. Except he was still debating whether she was honestly just really bad at memorizing history or if the kid might have been a genius. It was obvious that he was special.   
  
The tour guide’s smile was tight at the corners and her eyes were turning a shade of murderous. “This courthouse,” she enunciated precisely. “Is the oldest building in Metropolis.” She waited, a few seconds and a look of satisfaction spread over her face after having not been interrupted.   
  
“Uh huh,” the same little boy shook his head. His classmates groaned. The teacher glared. Lex chuckled, while Mercy issued a small snort before schooling her features again.   
  
The teacher’s gaze snapped to them and for a second, she looked angry until recognition dawned on her. “Mr. Luthor!” The kids turned their attention on him and Mercy, finally giving Lex a chance to see the boy’s face.   
  
It was a punch to the gut. That was the best way Lex could describe saying the boy’s face. Hair so dark, it could have been black, unruly and full of curls, blue eyes instead of green. Naturally tan skin with a smile so big, it was practically blinding.   
  
“Lex.” Mercy hissed, dragging him from his thoughts.   
  
The teacher was in front of him trying to shake his hand and bat her eyes lashes. Yeah, she was automatically his type dark hair, light eyes, legs…very nice legs. But the boy made him curious. “Mr. Luthor, it’s such a pleasure to meet you.”   
  
“Pleasure’s all mine, especially when I can see our tax dollars at work educating Metropolis’ children.”  
  
The teacher gushed. “We do this every month.”   
  
“Really? I’d love to give you all a personal tour of LexCorp.” The teacher’s eyes became excited half-moons like in anime, while Mercy looked at him strangely. What, he could be nice. Very nice and charming.   
  
“Maybe, your students could teach me something, especially that one.” The teacher wasn’t shy about rolling her eyes as he waved the boy over.   
  
She was no longer his type. The way she regarded the boy pissed him off. The kid reminded Lex a lot of himself just in the short time that he’d watched him. “As you can see, he--”  
  
“Leo,” the boy corrected and thrust his little hand at Lex and Mercy. Lex felt like a giant with the boy’s tiny hand in his.   
  
“Nice to meet you, Leo.”  
  
“Leo’s very bright, if a little over enthusiastic about learning.” The teacher, Ms. Blake, patted his shoulder firmly.   
  
“Being enthusiastic about learning is an admirable trait.” He looked down at the boy. At Leo. “It will come in handy in future.”   
  
He wrote his office number on a business card and gave one to the teacher, who looked like a fangirl ready to explode after getting a hug from her favorite actor. “I hope you all can come for a visit.”   
  
“Oh, we will, Mr. Luthor. I’ll get right on this. Say “thank you”, class.” A chorus of high-pitched voices did as they were told in sing-song fashion. It was cute.   
  
A quick look over at the tour guide showed that the woman was grateful for a reprieve from Leo correcting her. Lex couldn’t say why he did it, but he kneeled down in front of Leo and gave the little boy his card with his office number as well. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Leo, and I’d really like to meet your parents. They’ve done a great job with you, because you’re really smart.”   
  
Leo blushed and ducked his head. “Thank you.”   
  
Lex stood too fast and experienced a head rush, but looking at the kid was doing the same. Leo’s smile was big and pearly and continued to offer hard punches to the gut. There was something about this kid and Lex was going to find out.

* * *

  
  
He managed to keep quiet the entire way over to LexCorp and the elevator ride up to his office. In his office were a stack of cards, flowers, and balloons, mostly from his father and brother, offering condolences for the quick dissolution of his marriage.   
  
Bastards.   
  
He was tempted to have Scotch sent up, but years and repeatedly learned hard lessons kept him from going down that path. He tossed a bottle of coke at Mercy, who caught it deftly in the air. “Could I have spawned?” She nearly spit out her coke and scowled at him. It was real genuine Coke, straight from Atlanta.   
  
Mercy looked at him incredulously. “Okay, I’m not touching that one. Seriously, no, Lex.”   
  
“Why not? It’s a valid question. That kid reminded me of well, me, at his age.”  
  
“You’re not the only one capable of being a genius, Lex.” Ego much, Mercy thought.   
  
“I know that.” Lex paced his office. “That kid was exactly like me. Scary smart. I used to make my teachers cry, because I asked so many questions. My dad was actually proud of every time I made them cry.”   
  
“He would be.”   
  
“And that kid—Leo,” Lex dropped his hands to his waist. “You know he made the tour guide cry and he probably makes his teachers cry every night.”   
  
“Don’t forget drink.” Lex cocked a brow at Mercy in question. “She had whiskey on her breath.” She added.  
  
“Seriously, if the kid looks like his mother, then why…haven’t I been sued for paternity yet?” Lex exploded.  
  
Mercy shook her. “Back to square one, Lex. Who said the boy was yours?”   
  
“Great minds know each other.”   
  
“Right,” she drawled. If she was going to have to investigate the parents of a second grader then she needed a raise and lots of alcohol. Lots. Because as much as she loved working for Lex, he was crazy.   
  
“A second grader and the world’s third richest man have so much in common.”  
  
“Second.”  
  
“Sorry.”   
  
“All is forgiven. I…just need to know.”

* * *

  
  
Thinking that he had a possible illegitimate child made Lex also think about number seven. It was actually his third marriage and the only one where his spouse never tried to kill him or hurt him in anyway, except through secrets.   
  
The relationship with number seven aka number three was not honest, but it was the most honest relationship he’d ever had. They never meant to hurt each other before it all came tumbling down. Lies were second nature to each and when they lied to each other, it was mostly out of the misguided hope that they’d spare each other some pain. Trying to protect each other too much led to them falling apart and Lex had wondered since then if he’d ever stopped.   
  
Falling for Clark was like living the plot of the Lifetime movies that Mercy forced him to watch when she was training him to resist all forms of torture.   
  
Of course, the problem centered around alcohol. Too much alcohol, glorious over priced, sharp tasting, and surprisingly iridescent alcohol. Lex could admit that he always wanted to see Clark spectacularly drunk and be able to lord Clark’s first time inebriated over him, but that was only fun if Lex remained sober.   
  
Clark lied a lot, mostly about his abilities that supposedly didn’t exist and usually any attempt on Lex’s part to get closer to understanding them was met by a whack on the head. His concussions from the meteor freaks seeking his blood alone warranted him his own private room at the Smallville Medical Center.   
  
Then, there were his indiscretions. Experiments with meteor rocks and undoing Lionel’s schemes were frequent points of contention between the two and the primary source of Lex’s own lies.   
  
But by the time, Clark had reached college; they’d managed to set aside their issues. Explosive meteor rock exposure and a fist fight or two aside, they were as close as ever. In some ways, their closeness was out of necessity. Pete left during Clark’s junior year and the two never regained closeness. Then, Chloe got a full scholarship to Gotham University.   
  
Through Clark’s hard work alone, he’d managed to get a scholarship to Met U. It was merely coincidental that Lex needed to finally shift LexCorp’s base of operations to Metropolis, which offered prime Clark time as a consequence.   
  
Clark had practically spent four years living with Lex. The whole time, the arrangement had been the most domestic that Lex had ever been. Clark was Martha Kent’s son and as a consequence was neat, not ridiculously so, but neat enough to clash with Lex for not being the same. He even cooked and Lex ate, which kind of pissed off his cook. Clark did her job and left her with little to do.   
  
Following Clark’s graduation, Lex was finally able to indulge in a long held fantasy. He took Clark to Vegas and spoiled the hell out of him. Somewhere after Clark managed to have a lot of beginner’s luck at craps and Lex cleaned out all of the casino’s big whales at poker, they found themselves in themselves suddenly the occupants of the casino’s best suite. One that was even an upgrade from the one Lex had reserved.   
  
From there, things became extremely blurred. Two things were for certain. One, he’d married Clark in the little White Chapel after giving the owners a drunken tirade about equality and threatened to sue them until they were married. His performance on the surveillance tapes was Oscar-worthy, because he didn’t at all look completely plastered. But Clark had been practically glues to his side in order to remain standing.   
  
The second certainty was that he had spectacular drunken carnal knowledge of his best friend’s body all over the Caesar’s suite at the Palace. Their antics were loud enough to warrant two visits from security.   
  
Too bad, neither of them really remembered it the day after next when they’d emerged from their alcohol induced haze.   
  
It was the quietest divorce Lex ever had. It was also the only one that hurt.   
  
Living with Clark afterwards had been awkward. Mainly because they were each forced to examine their real feelings for the other and doing such was so counterintuitive that each would rather run from it that confront the issue.   
  
A few weeks later, Clark announced he’d been offered a job in Gotham. Lex didn’t beg him to stay. Instead, he threw Clark one last party in the penthouse, where Clark had to play hero after one of Lionel’s former employees tried to use the opportunity to kill Lex once and for all by tossing him off the balcony.   
  
Clark catching him in mid-air led to another conversation that only gave Lex a few more answers than he already had. Ultimately, he let Clark go. Clark went to Gotham, tried calling Lex at least three times a week, but Lex pushed him away. He didn’t even spy on Clark this time.   
  
He could now acknowledge that he was still dealing with Clark leaving when he asked Lana to marry him. He’d thought he loved her until she tried killing him with the same kung-fu moves he’d shown her years before. She had a nasty left hook and her roundhouse knocked all the air out of his lungs for about a week.   
  
Cut to three more attempts to find love and no longer be alone. Most days he was lucky if he only thought of Clark once.  
  


* * *

  
  
A few mornings later, Lex found himself trying to get Ms. Lewis off the phone. The field trip had been arranged on short notice, mostly through Mercy helping to speed it along with a phone call or two downtown.   
  
“We have a few parent chaperones that signed up at the last minute.”   
  
Parents? The only ones he was interested in meeting were the ones belong to little Leo. The rest either wanted to do business or were potentially readying themselves to strike. He always attracted crazy people. “Good, e-mail me that list and I’ll be sure that Mercy has visitor’s passes ready for them.”  
  
“Thank you so much, Mr. Luthor--”  
  
“Please, call me Lex.”The sound that filled his ear was definitely a swoon. Lex would forever win at life. He was charming and charismatic in every medium.   
  
“Oh Lex,” she purred. “How can we ever thank you for this opportunity?”   
  
“Seeing the kids get a well rounded education is thanks enough for me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to place a few more calls to clear the day.”   
  
“Yeah, right. Sorry.” She stumbled verbally before hanging up. He was finally free of a woman, who seemed desperately eager to become the eighth Mrs. Luthor.   
  
He rubbed his eyes tiredly and pointedly ignored Lionel’s newest e-mail featuring a picture of Christa and his other exes starting a riot that actually required the SWAT Team’s intervention in order to be put down.   
  
“Should I pack tranquilizers for the field trip, boss.” Mercy sassed. Her laughter dried up with a pointed look from him.   
  
“Possibly. You can never be too prepared. And--” He deleted an e-mail from Lucas with a YouTube video of Helen and Desiree clotheslining a couple of guards during the riot. They’d gotten a little beefy since they’d landed in prison. He assumed they had to settle for weightlifting instead of Pilates. “She’s sending a list of parents chaperoning.”  
  
“So, the usual?”   
  
The usual meant a full background check down to their credit score. “Yeah, and see what you find out about my kid.”  
  
Mercy rolled her eyes. “He’s not your son, Lex.” Her voice, though laden with sarcasm, was still very sexy. If he was into women, who could easily kill him, then she would have been at the top of his list.   
  
“I know my progeny when I it see it. Now, get started. I don’t want any surprises.” He waved her out of his office, but Mercy did this thing where she didn’t listen to him. Taunted him actually.   
  
“Surprises are awesome, Lex. Absolutely awesome.”   
  
She ducked his stapler easily enough. Lucas and his father were now resorting to sending him insane text messages of the FMLG—the Former Mrs. Luthor Gang being wrestled to the ground. He really wanted a drink.  
  


* * *

  
  
The day of the LexCorp tour, Lex opted to wear his fourth favorite suit, because really, he didn’t want some kid getting overly excited and throwing up on his hand tailored Armani. No, no, no, that just wouldn’t work.   
  
Mercy stood beside him at the entrance of the LexCorp lobby. He already threatened Lucas with being cut off if he continued his version of cyber-terrorism against Lex and told Lionel he’d put him in a really bad nursing home, if he also continued to piss Lex off, so at least he knew things would be good on that end.   
  
“Today’s going to be a good day.” He told Mercy.  
  
She didn’t so much as glance at him. “Are you telling me that it will be so or are you hoping that it will be good?”   
  
“The former, but you’ve checked everyone out and there won’t be any surprises as far as I can tell.”   
  
She shrugged lazily. “Yeah, all the parents look pretty normal. Though, there are two, one male and one female, which might be looking at you to replace their current sugar daddies.” She straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath as the school bus came to a stop in front of the building. Lex always suspected she was afraid of children. “Oh, also found out that Leo’s parent is among the chaperones.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Lex hissed. “A parent. As in single parent home.”  
  
She smirked and nodded. “Surprise.”   
  
He might fire her. Seriously, because. She’d just shaken up his game. Lex Luthor was unflappable, but damn it, Mercy just made him completely flappable. At this point, he was a sail on the wind.   
  
Lex watched the kids unload off the bus. His eyes took immediate notice of Ms. Lewis, because the woman looked about one tiara short of a beauty pageant. In between clusters of second graders disembarking, an adult or two stepped off the bus. The first three looked normal enough. The second set was obviously the ones that were on the hunt for a willing billionaire. The man’s pants couldn’t get any tighter, nor could the woman’s shirt. He wondered if their children were embarrassed for them.  
  
For the rest of his life, he’d always swear that Mercy had the bus bugged. Mere seconds really with what he would describe as Leo looking back with an angelic smile, Mercy began a steady half whispered countdown under breath.   
  
Then, he appeared.  
  
And Lionel sent him a text message, which read, “Ha!”  
  
Clark Kent had returned to Metropolis.   
  
He watched Clark take Leo’s hand.   
  
Clark had a son.  
  
There was a rush of sound filling Lex’s ears. It was the collective clapping of at least thirty pairs of little feet on the marble floors. No! It was the sound of Lex’s heart, trying to desperately escape his chest.   
  
His pocket vibrated again. It was a text message from Lucas saying, “Ha Ha!”   
  
He really hated his family.   
  
There was no way to really prep himself for meeting his former best friend turned ex-spouse, who now couldn’t possibly be the mother of a child that he was pretty sure was his. Okay, the thought already caused a headache to frog march across Lex’s skull.   
  
Lucas had the mouth of a sewer rat and loved to call Lex ‘one smooth fucker’. But there wasn’t enough smoothness in the world to give Lex the right words to not stumble over the fact that seven years had gone by, Clark had a son, and he still looked really damn pretty. He wouldn’t even mention Clark’s hair, which looked like it had actually seen some sort of real stylist.   
  
Because really.   
  
Lex could only admit so much at one time.   
  
He accepted Mercy’s pat on the back and constructed his features into a winning smile. This was called the generous tycoon look. The two gold-diggers in need ate it up. Mercy gagged beneath her fist as she cleared her throat.   
  
“Welcome. I’m Lex Luthor--”He was interrupted by the round of applause issued by Ms. Lewis. “And this is my associate Ms. Mercy Graves and today, we will be giving you a tour of LexCorp.”   
  
Leo waved excitedly at Lex. Clark had a small mischievous smile pulling at his lips. Leo’s hand was firmly in his. The fact that the day was going to be very hard again resonated with Lex.   
  
For the sake of not having the pants sued off of him or having their research stolen, they guided the group through the public areas and a few others where there was no real harm in the group getting a behind the scenes look. The kids really got a kick out the cool direct broadcast device in the boardroom. He would gladly admit that CNN stole the idea from LexCorp, but he’d stolen it from George Lucas.   
  
Clark’s smile grew at the back of the room as he recognized Lex’s innate fanboy salute. The kids gasped and screamed after he beamed a few of their classmates across the room, but leave it to Leo to give a surprisingly accurate explanation of how holograms were made the old fashioned way with mirrors.   
  
The kid was bright. Lex couldn’t help beaming like a proud parent. A glance at Clark revealed him wearing the same proud smile as Lex, but not any closer than earlier.   
  
For the parent’s enjoyment or maybe envy, Lex showed them the perks of working at LexCorp, which included an onsite daycare and afterschool facilities, a gym, a clinic, and a dentist. By the time, they reached the company dining hall, he had more than one discreet inquiry about potential employment.   
  
Even Ms. Lewis seemed more than apt to trade the public school system for the LexCorp Tot Lounge. He just proved their motto. LexCorp was the best, because their employees were treated better than the rest.   
  
He walked over to Mercy once all the children and chaperones were settled. “You know I feel strangely like Willy Wonka?” He told Mercy.  
  
She juggled an apple lazily. “It’s the purple, sir.” Her gaze fanned over the room. “So, have you talked to him yet?”   
  
“No--”He hadn’t made a move towards Clark and neither had Clark towards him. They were both walking a thin line of polite awkwardness. “Though someone was supposed to tell me that he would be here.”   
  
“Like I said earlier. Surprise.”   
  
“So fired.” Lex promised.   
  
Mercy shook her head, while peeling the apple with her favorite pocket knife. The one he’d given to her a few years ago. “When this is over you’ll probably give me a raise.”  
  
Lex knew she was probably right, but it sure didn’t feel like it at the moment.   
  
The rest of the day was spent going through old R &D projects. All pre-selected as being child safe, of course. There were a few things with bubbles and Velcro that the kids got a kick out of, though he watched Leo pull Clark away from the main group to check out a full scale replica of Metropolis in the corner.   
  
Lex approached the pair quietly, taking note when Leo gushed and pointed at the Daily Planet, saying, “That’s where you work.”   
  
Eight blocks over. Clark had been that close and he hadn’t the slightest clue. Paranoia would usually creep up on him here and make him question all the things he didn’t know.   
  
“That’s where we are.” Leo pointed to the correct LexCorp Tower. “And,” he searched the cityscape and smiled upon finding a smaller building closer to the riverfront area. “That’s where we live.”   
  
“Right, right, and absolutely correct.” Clark congratulated his son with flurry of fast moving fingers and the boy’s voice erupted into peals of squealing giggles.   
  
Lex sidled up beside the two. Clark noticed and gradually sobered, allowing the boy to also notice him. Leo offered Lex his hand. “Thank you, sir, for inviting us today. This was a lot of fun.”  
  
“I’m glad you liked it.” Lex held Clark’s eye. “Did you enjoy it, Clark?”  
  
“It was fun. Some of the perks make me wish I worked at here, instead of the Planet.” He teased, ducking his head and blushing the way he always did.   
  
A place in Lex’s chest hurt for a second. “One phone call and you could have.”He searched Clark’s face. “Still can.”   
  
“Would have been nice, if I had known.” Clark turned away to stop Leo from reaching across the table to attempt to spin the mini globe atop of the miniature Daily Planet building. “I told you not to touch that, Jon.”  
  
“Leo.” The boy corrected with a pout that was a perfect replica of Clark’s very own.   
  
“I thought his name was Leo?” Clark grimaced and Leo smiled in delight. Of course, Lex would get mired in some boundaries issue between the two of them.  
  
“It’s a phase.” Clark clarified. Though, the boy’s satisfied look spoke of winning a bigger battle. That look was so reminiscent of his own at that game that Lex steamed forward for answers.   
  
“Dinner tonight. At the penthouse.” Clark looked ready to decline. Lex pushed ahead. “I’m betting that your favorites are also Leo’s. Come on, tonight. The three of us.”   
  
“I don’t know--”  
  
Lex was not above bribery in the least. “Three words: Strawberry rhubarb pie.” Not when it came to Clark.   
  
“Yes.” Leo answered for his father.   
  
Clark looked from his son to Lex and finally nodded in defeat. “Okay, what time?”  
  


* * *

  
  
In the time between Clark and Leo showing up at the penthouse, Lex finally did his own research. Now, he felt more confused than satisfied. For one, Leo’s last name was different from Clark’s. A Wayne in Gotham came from one line and Lex was curious to know how Wayne fit with Kent.   
  
Lex would not think about Clark and Bruce. Just like Lex would painstakingly not think about Clark and Leo’s birthmother.   
  
The door buzzer sounded. He gave Mercy the night off. Pretty sure that Clark hadn’t changed so drastically that he’d be up for potential homicide after dinner. Lex opened the door and almost immediately had his arms full of Leo’s gangly limbs.  
  
“Lex!” The boy hugged Lex tightly. His grip was surprisingly strong. He turned his big blue eyes upon Lex. “Pie?” He asked with a hopeful smile. No more evidence was needed to know that boy was Clark’s.   
  
“Jon.” Clark warned gently.”Manners.”   
  
“Leo.” The boy retorted. “Lex said there would be pie.”   
  
Lex managed to peel the boy off of him. “Yes, I did promise pie. Only after dinner, if your Dad says you can have some.”   
  
Leo nodded excitedly and turned his brightest and most angelic smile on his dad. Clark visibly melted under the look. “We’ll see, Jon.” Lex warned the boy with a tap on the shoulder to not backtalk while Clark hung up their coats in the Fortier closet.   
  
Despite the time apart, dinner still felt very domestic. His cook was the same from the years when Clark had lived in the penthouse with him. Tonight, she made Clark’s favorite chicken cutlets with cheese and garlic mashed potatoes, and spiced green beans. Lex watched Clark cut his son’s food and saw the way Clark smiled down at his son when Leo snuck a green bean off his plate with his fingers.   
  
Lionel would have berated him for that for at least an hour until his dinner was cold. Clark caught him looking and gave him a small smile too. Clark patted his son’s head before going back to his own dinner. The field trip had been the time to learn about what Lex was doing. Now, he wanted to hear about Clark and Leo. How long they’d been in the city? How Leo liked school in Metropolis? What Clark was working on at the Planet?  
  
Normal topics.   
  
After Leo explained that he was reading on an 8th grade level and Clark briefly skimmed over his time in Gotham, Lex felt that a little bribery was totally warranted to get him some alone time with Clark. He passed Leo a slice of pie that was probably three times more than the recommended dietary guidelines suggested and issued Clark a pointed look to contest.   
  
They stood at the edge of the dining room. “We’re going to talk, Jon. If you need anything, we’ll be right down the hall.” Clark told his son, though the boy was too absorbed in his pie to really care.   
  
Lex didn’t shut his office door completely, in case Leo did decide to find them. Lex took up his favorite interrogation spot, leaning against his desk with arms folded over his chest. He cocked his head and said, “I guess you have a story to tell.”  
  
Clark’s mouth thinned into a straight line. The light burning in his eyes was pure petulance. “I don’t know if you want to hear it.”  
  
“Humor me.” Lex replied, not amused. “Was marrying me the beginning of a downward spiral? What made good old Clark Kent into a single parent?” There was a mean edge to his chiding.   
  
Clark’s expression shifted from angry to resigned. There was a defeated slump in his wide shoulders and Lex felt something short of triumph, regret. “It was the beginning alright….You were my second, Lex.” At Lex’s shocked expression, Clark added hastily, “Don’t laugh. It’s true…But your main question was how I became a single parent. Simple answer: I slept with you and we divorced.”   
  
Thinking that last statement made no sense, Lex’s brow furrowed deeply in confusion and he opened his mouth to ask Clark to clarify, when all his repressed knowledge of Clark being special hit him. “Christ,” he exhaled deeply. “You really got the grab-bag of abilities.”   
  
Watching Clark’s non reaction to Lex figuring out his cryptic meaning was a little disconcerting. “You could say that.” Seriously, he just learned that he’d knocked up his ex-husband. In that statement alone, there were several mutually exclusive terms.   
  
“You have a son, Clark.” Lex repeated.  
  
“Yes, I do.”  
  
“We divorced, but I’d already knocked up you.” Lex repeated slowly.   
  
Clark chuckled, his voice low and light, more than capable of unfurling that coiled feeling low in Lex’s belly. “Thanks for putting it bluntly, Lex. But yeah…Things were a little beyond our control at that point.”  
  
Lex didn’t know the mechanics of male meteor mutant pregnancy, but he could only assume that it went the same as a normal one. Lex would have been with Lana by the time Clark realized what was happening and well through the birth. Jesus, he would not touch the idea of birth. Suddenly, the idea of Clark sitting on an egg like a giant chicken was way too freaky for him to bear.   
  
He could afford smugness at the moment. One look at Leo–Jon and hearing him speak and Lex knew that the kid had Luthor genes. His genes. That stupid grin of his face was one of paternal pride. “If his name is Jon, why the hell does he want to be called Leo?” He never went through a phase like that. He could only assume this came from Clark’s wholesome childhood.   
  
“I named him Jonathan Joseph.” Excluding Wayne for the moment, but Lex still remembered.   
  
Lex perked up. “You gave him my middle name.” He stated.  
  
“Yep.” Clark sighed as he took a spot beside Lex against the desk. “Then, he ready some history book about a soldier named Leopold and since then, he’s wanted to be called Leo.” Clark’s arm brushed against Lex’s, bringing them both up short. “If he wants to be called Leo, then he can change his name when he’s older and be known as Leopold the Luscious, if he wants. For right now, he’s still Jon.”   
  
Lex opened his mouth to ask about the surname Wayne, especially on his son, when Leo burst into the room. “That was the best pie ever. Even better than grandma’s.” Leo beamed at the pair. His main accomplishment was only getting one small speck of strawberry rhubarb filling stuck on his shirt.  
  
“What’s next?” Leo asked.   
  
Adult talk was far from over, but maybe Lex might be lucky enough to extend their reunion. Starting with making Leo give them some space. “Leo, have you ever used a Wii?” The boy’s eyes were immediately alight and Clark groaned and covered his face. “You go find a game in the living room and I’ll get it started for you.”   
  
Lex looked at him questioningly, but opted to get the Leo settled before returning to Clark. Sitting at the table, Clark’s arms were crossed over his chest and he looked entirely non-pleased. “He’s going to consider you his best friend for the rest of his life.”   
  
“Like you.” Lex pointed out, realizing it was low blow by the change across Clark’s features. “Sorry.”   
  
“He’s wanted one for months.”  
  
“Well, he seems like a good kid. He probably deserves one now.”   
  
“I don’t want him to grow up spoiled. I’d already planned to get him one for his birthday. I figured by then I’d have more than enough for the system and a few games.” Right, Lex remembered, a single parent’s finances.   
  
“You’re something else, Lex.” Clark chuckled, his face going soft. “Maybe, I don’t have the stamina for your methods of flirtation or wooing. Since Jon…I need things to be upfront and straight forward.”   
  
Lex was through with lying. “Understandable.”   
  
If having Clark back in his penthouse after seven years with their biological son, both living in Metropolis, wasn’t a sign, Lex was surely certain he was going insane instead. He needed to keep Clark. Make him stay with Lex once and for all.   
  
Like the Metropolis Sharks, he’d do what he did best. Blitz him. Make Clark realize that what they once had, a friendship and budding relationship, could be had again. Even drunk off their asses, there had been a reason for them to say ‘I do’. In vino veritas after all.   
  


* * *

  
  
It was pretty simple. Even Mercy agreed. He lifted the idea from one of her torture sessions. All those times when he’d thought he’s rather undergo waterboarding than watch another Lifetime movie had not been for naught. He’d seen a dozen of these single mom and rich guy plots. Now, he was essentially living one. Lucky, lucky him.   
  
Day one, he had a practically every game of suitable rating for Leo shipped to Clark’s modest sized apartment along with a new Wii fresh from Japan with all of its gazillion accessories. He sent Clark a new laptop and desktop, because reports showed that Clark was still using the old one from his college years. It was one that Lex gave him too.   
  
Day two, there were flowers. Enough flowers to spill out of Clark’s apartment on to his balcony and the hallway of his floor. Lex was sure Clark’s neighbors definitely grumbled about the tropical plant arrangements loitering in front of their doors. Then, he’d sent numerous creative fruit and cookie baskets for Leo. Though, the latter might have made Clark want to kill Lex rather than return to him.   
  
Day three, he flooded the apartment. He couldn’t do so with water, because it would have messed up the entire building. So, he sent encyclopedias instead. Every type of encyclopedia available. Britannica alone prevented Clark from entering his kitchen that much Lex did know. No one said he couldn’t spoil a child with knowledge. He sent Clark the trashiest harlequin romance novels he could find. Clark always thought that little addiction was a secret. Lex knew Clark read every one of his mother’s cheesy romance novels. On his eighteenth birthday, Lex had taken pity on him and finally gotten Clark a subscription to an on-line literary warehouse that specialized in those types of books.  
  
If Lex had the time, all of the bodice rippers pouring into Clark’s apartment would have had them on the cover. Lex could have pulled off the billowing shirt look. Anyway, Lex decided to save that idea for later.   
  
Day four, he stole all the flannel. Even down to little knit socks for Leo. The flannel disappeared quickly and quietly, leaving behind Calvin Klein and Jean Paul Gautier and Gap Kids. He burned the stacks of flannel personally.   
  
Day five, the last straw. Mercy took a special kind of joy in rigging motion sensitive hallmark cards in the walkable areas of the apartment. Some of the places she’d listed off for him, he definitely hadn’t anticipated. That was why he had dinner ready and waiting by seven sharp the following night. Clark would come. Dashing up to the penthouse with Leo in arms and ready to surrender to Lex completely and unconditionally.   
  
Day six, Clark showed up on Lex’ doorstep with a hyper Leo in hand, who happily chattered and chanted, “Lex. Lex. Lex. Lex,” like his name was the world’s happiest song. He did notice the boy’s blue eyes had pupils the size of quarters. He’d probably made the boy a full on sugar addict. Clark didn’t look pleased. He wore that Jonathan Kent paternal scowl of disapproval well. The way Leo threw up his hands and ran through the house, yelling, “woo-woo” was all Lex’s fault.   
  
Clark probably hadn’t slept very much and was annoyed as hell.  
  
Lex grinned to himself. His plan was awesome.   
  
Righteously perturbed was a great look on Clark. His cheeks flushed, eyes gleamed a jade fire, and his body seemed to do this thing where it just called to Lex. “I give up. What can I do to make it stop without killing you?”  
  
“Give us a chance again.” Lex said simply. Recent history aside, they had many good times together.   
  
“Seven years is a long time, Lex. I can’t just pick up and move in with you without thinking about how this will affect Jon.”   
  
“He’ll be affected either way.” Lex brought his hands up to Clark’s face. “I want a chance to make you both happy…” He might have gone overboard with charts that tracked the subsequent happiness after moving in with Lex, but he had actual evidence if Clark needed further. “I want my own dreams to come true. For once.”  
  
Clark’s eyes went soft at seeing the full spread on the dining room table. “We were kind of great once.” He snagged a sweet potato fry and savored the flavor with closed eyes, blissfully drowning out the sound of Leo running through the penthouse while pretending to be a train.   
  
The look on Clark’s face just then was worth Lex’s machinations. “More than once.” Lex replied. “Just tell me.”  
  
“What?” Clark asked, waiting.  
  
“Why Wayne?” Yes, his headache had returned suddenly and had notched up to category 5 proportions. Christ, he didn’t do religion, but he’d willfully start praying if it kept Clark from saying something crazy about…him and Bruce…Jesus. This type of thing that could drive a man crazy—crazier. Learning that he was a co-father of a child with Clark wasn’t a terrible thought. Once upon a time, the same idea had been a dream.   
  
He didn’t do jealousy very well. From the way, Clark’s eyes latched on to the throbbing pulse point on his forehead. “I think you should calm down, Lex.”   
  
Lex threw up his hands in exasperation, because waiting. Just sucked. He really didn’t want to think about Clark doing the horizontal mambo with anyone. Well, other than him.   
  
“Sure, Bruce is a great friend and I’ve known him for years.” Clark paused and his lips curled in a secret smile. “I became good friends with him and Oliver before I left Metropolis…Mainly before we did it.”  
  
His head really hurt. He drummed his thumbs on his coffee table. “How does that explain my progeny having Wayne’s last name?” The whole act of a Luthor wearing a Wayne’s last name or vice versa might have been against some ancient law if he listened to Lionel tell it. Which he kind of had at the beginning of the day.   
  
Lionel and his spies were really pissing Lex off. Even though, Lionel muttered something that vaguely sounded like ‘apocalypse’. They scoffed simultaneously at the possibility that Clark would have some how hooked up with Oliver Queen. Because no, just no to that one.  
  
“Gotham is a very dangerous place.” Understatement of the decade. “I made a lot of enemies. A lot.” Clark admitted and Lex would wager Clark’s number of enemies wasn’t anywhere near as high as Lois Lane’s, but Metropolis and Gotham were definitely like night and day. “Bruce thought it would be a good idea. Considering the mania and obsessive tendencies of some of the criminals in the city, we wanted to make sure Leo was safe. It doesn’t pay for your enemies to learn you’re a single parent of a small child that is actively making enemies of his teachers at several elementary schools. The name Wayne gets you a lot in that city.”   
  
Lex could take that explanation. “So you and Bruce…never?” Lex crudely gestured with two fingers that looked like they were trying to eat each other and Clark laughed.   
  
“I didn’t say that. Did I?” Clark’s laugh is low—sultry, made Lex think about fine chocolate. “Things didn’t work out, because we’re too complicated.” Clark’s gaze narrowed on Lex, as if analyzing him. “You didn’t know about us?” Clark’s what the hell look had developed surprisingly well.   
  
As much as he wished he was omnipotent, he wasn’t and he’d actively gone out of his way to give Clark space. “Truthfully no. I figured I’d try a different strategy for once. Give you privacy and see how that worked out.”   
  
Clark shrank back from Lex, putting enough space between them for the air to feel a little awkward. “When I heard about you and Lana, I assumed that the most overt way you could send a message that what happened in Vegas was a mistake.” Clark shrugged, as if reconsidering. “Then, she tried to kill you and I figured the marriage had been a mistake. Then you got married three more times after that. I wasn’t sure what to think. You never contacted me, so I let sleeping dogs lie.”   
  
“Okay.” Lex admitted. Their mutual stubbornness and lies had led them here. They just needed one piece of truth. “How…Why did you agree to marry me and don’t say it was the alcohol talking? You’re the only best friend I’ve ever had.” Clark had been everything to Lex for a long time. “Only lover that really counted.” All kidding aside, he needed this to work out.   
  
In the soft evening darkness amidst the glow of streetlights below the penthouse, Clark’s eyes shown with a sparkling green hue. They automatically enticed Lex to want something more. “You were…are my best friend. You were the only person, who really got me. It also helped that I’d been pretty much in love with you since I was 15.”   
  
The perfect opportunity for a kiss. Lex’s hands buried themselves in Clark’s slicked down ebony curls and Clark’s mouth gave way under the surge of Lex’s. He finally had what he’d dreamed about most over the years. Clark’s tongue tasted like fresh air and the raw sweetness of sugar.   
  
Lex pulled away, but still kept his hands buried in Clark’s silky hair. He could easily take up his old addiction of just petting Clark’s hair for hours. Though Clark might have an issue with it. Lex could buy him a lot of sick leave. “We’re going to be our own Lifetime movie. Come on, you can be the unsuspecting single parent and I can be the slightly a-moral tycoon with a heart of gold. Leo can be our long lost lovechild.”   
  
If Clark’s eyes rolled any harder, they’d fall out his head. “Well, he already is our lovechild. And the boy’s name is Jon. Leo is a weird phase, I’m telling you.”   
  
“Yes, Dear.” Clark scowled. “What? You’re right about Leo—Jon being our lovechild. Now are we going to rebuild our family fractured by our combined stubbornness? Or do I have to find another murderous would-be Mrs. Luthor to make you realize what a catch I am?”  
  
Clark didn’t look at all contrite. “I guess I won’t mention Bruce’s proposal or Ollie’s. It would really be stupid to mention Lucas’…”  
  
Yes, he was about to give in to blackout rage. “What!” He’d kill his brother. Plain and simple.   
  
“Kidding about the last one. Though, your dad and brother have a really twisted sense of humor. One time, they sent me a box of fifty Hungry Man and Kid Cuisine dinners.” In a twisted way, it was rather thoughtful. As if Clark caught his thoughts, “Fish sticks, Lex. I had to move out of that apartment, because their generosity attracted half of the city’s cats. ”   
  
His dad and his brother knew? Lucas was definitely cut off now and Lionel would be sent to some second rate nursing home, where bedsores were eminent on arrival. He hated when Lionel gave him those secretive smiles that made him look like the proverbial cat, due to his leonine hairstyle, that ate the world’s biggest canary.   
  
Clark’s eyes distracted him from more thoughts of punishing his other unfortunates that shared his last name. “Okay, all things considered I’ve really missed you and Jon should have you in his life.”  
  
“Mostly, because I won’t cry when he asks too many questions?” Lex wouldn’t ever torture Leo by making him attend Excelsior, but he’d love to see Leo make Principal Reynolds cry. That would be the man’s just comeuppance.   
  
“Trust me. He.Will.Make.You.Cry.” Clark still knew the boy better than Lex and had experienced a crying fit or two. He would never tell Lex that Jon had been three at the time. His pride could only take so much.  
  
Clark’s licked his lips. His face did take on a soft and innocent appearance. Lex used to call it the Venus Flytrap look. It was so pretty that Lex would end up doing anything, promising anything, like right now.   
  
“There’s one other thing.”   
  
“What else can there be? You’re my meteor mutant ex-best friend turned ex-husband who got pregnant with my lovechild and didn’t tell me, while nearly being whisked away by two of my school and business rivals. What else can you say?”  
  
Clark rolled his eyes Lex’s drama queen antics.” One, there was no threat of being ‘whisked away’. Two, I already told you. I didn’t tell you, because you seemed hellbent on marrying every murderous woman available. Three…meteor mutant…isn’t entirely correct.” Clark trailed off, looking every except for Lex.   
  
“Then, what would be correct?”   
  
“Alien.” Clark declared.   
  
“As in…” Lex made a gesture that could easily be interpreted as waving a flag of surrender rather than furling a cape.   
  
“Yeah,” Clark placed his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest.   
  
Lex rubbed his temples, trying to quell the headache doing the cha-cha through his skull. Of course, Clark was Superman. Yes, he could deal with this. He absolutely could. “Okay,” he took a deep breath. A calming breath. “I still love you. Never stopped. So, I think I’m more than ready to take you, Jon or Leo, whatever he wants to be called, and any and all alien multiple personalities that come part of the deal.”   
  
Clark’s arms wrapped around Lex, bringing their bodies flush together. “I still love you too, you big dork.”   
  


* * *

  
  
Thus Prince Lex freed himself of his final dragon and found his one true love again. Of course, the happily ever after came as soon as his son’s last name became something other than Wayne and Lionel and Lucas found themselves on a desert island with phones featuring limited texting capacity. Having his one true love decked out in spandex was a pretty just reward, even if the color scheme nearly blinded him.   
  
In short, Prince Lex’s life became awesome and he lived happily ever after with his genius offspring and his soon to be non-ex husband-best friend.   
  
The End


End file.
